Amazing transition

Something is bothering me deeply. Very troubled and confused. JD has been asking me out a lot of time since we had got to know each other via Sel and Jay. He’s 40 years old, married with 2 kids. Needless to elaborate, anyone would know what a man like him is up to. An entrepreneur, an investor in a well-known franchise outlet, a Branch Manager in a manufacturing company. Big, successful man..hanging out with a 27 year old woman who is a single mother? Of all women, why me?

Problem is, I am beginning to get confused of where this is heading. I didn’t have a good impression towards him when we were first introduced to each other, sensing that he is the common, readily available everywhere – a person whom I classify as DOM (Dirty Old Man). However, over the MSN…he suddenly told me that he knows I am not the type who goes after others’ husbands, or someone looking for a much older man. In other words, I don’t approve of Sugar-Daddies.

I was glad he ‘knew‘ I am not that type, because all I want is just friendship and networking.

Now, after several months of knowing each other…I came to realize, we are meeting each other so regularly, like at least once a week. I forgot to mention, he is from the mainland. So for him to travel to the Island everytime, just to “hang out” with me, and claimed his intention is just as a friend…well, can anyone see where this is going?

I must admit, he is a good companion. Which is why I never hesitated to meet him as and when I can. But I must also say, this is getting to “somewhere” which I really suspect is “something”.

First: He saved my name under Patrick Momo. Now, why would a man save a woman’s name under another man’s name? Answer: To hide from the wife should she question him on calls/SMS made to that number.

Second: Why do we always drink whenever we’re out? In KL, we had wines…in Penang we go to SoHo and QEII…among other places…for drinks! Why would a 40 year old man, always try to get a 27 year old woman to drink?

Third: Why does he always SMS and ask me what I am doing? Where I am? And update me on his golf games?

Fourth: Why does he always want to know when I am going to KL again so that he can “check his schedule” to see if he’s going to be there too? To me, whether or not I am going to KL has got nothing to do with him!

……

Worst of all, I am beginning to receive late night SMS from him saying he’s drunk and he misses me! WTF? I always replied him, “You’re drunk. Goodnight”.

After more than a month of disappearance…and he sounded, withdrawn I wonder why. I wanted to tell him I miss him a lot, and am sorry for telling him I do not want to see him anymore when I know I want to. I wanted to tell him I find him too good to be true but feared I would make a fool out of myself again. Apparently he’s doing good…but the care he used to gave me is no longer there I guess. Not that we had started anything, but just when both of us were enjoying each other’s company so much, I put a stop to it. It is natural for me to put up a shield in front of me after everything I have went through and I really hope he would understand it.

Puff..pufff, smoking in the office alone when everybody is gone. For some reason, his one call made me feel even lonelier. I miss those times when there was someone waiting for my calls, someone waiting to call me, someone can’t wait to see me after a long and tiring day, someone who feels excited taking me out, bringing me to dinners, someone longing to receive my SMS, someone cheering me up. Someone sending me flowers to my office just to cheer me up, someone anticipating weekends just to spend time with me. Someone driving me somewhere, someone running daily errands with me.

A friend asked if I have the urge for sex. I don’t. Is something wrong with me?

I leave Florence with the baby sitter every Monday, Tuesday, Thursday and Friday night while I would fetch her home on Wednesday evening and weekends. However, I would visit her everyday after work just to spend time with her for several hours before heading home and sleep. On Sunday afternoon, my sister called and asked me to let her take Flo home with her for Sunday night as I need my sister to bring Flo for her monthly check-up on Monday morning. 30 minutes after she called, she came with her 2 sons and I was in such a hurry to pack everything and in 10 minute’s time, they were gone!

The moment I sat down on the sofa to catch my breath, I realized something – my daughter is gone! I felt like I was being robbed of my daughter! Haha. I called my sister to ‘scold’ her for the spontaneity. I felt so empty for the rest of the evening, quickly called up my good pal and asked her to accompany me to Batu Feringhi to buy CDs. I miss my daughter!! I felt like I was robbed L

My plan was to just hang out and have a great time at SS with Lina and Loni on Friday night. HK asked me to go SS and since I was going anyway, I agreed to meet him there.

Before going, Ang and friends called and asked where I was heading for the night and I told them I would go to SS and they are free to join us if they want to. It just so happened that they did! Fine. But there was this particular Uncle, I think more than twice my age called Danny. The industry we are in are quite similar and I have only seen him twice before that night in SS. The first time I met him through a friend’s friend, I knew this guy is a classic case. Desperado. He has proven me right during the second time we met in Soho with a group of friends. He shared with me that he has 4 grown up children, 2 boys and 2 girls. The wife left him with the 2 boys to USA and his 2 girls are now in the airlines so he’s alone now. KJ (Danny’s boss) told me that Danny is not married. As in, not registered with his wife. The moment KJ shared that, I looked at Danny as if he is my worst enemy. Danny kept calling me and I refused to answer his calls knowing he is such a loser. Why do I attract losers?

I was enjoying myself in SS on Friday night before they joined us. I was dancing happily with Lina and HK, drinking and chatting being fabulous until Danny came with the rest. He was suchhhhhh a desperado. Kept throwing the dirty glances at me and kept coming to me and try to talk nonsense. HK was nice enough to guard me off from Danny all night long!

Saturday and Sunday, Danny called several times and I just REFUSED to answer his damn calls. Why are men so desperate? Why are MARRIED men extra desperate? For God’s sake, he is an old man with grown up kids! Does he really think that he can trick me into getting laid? What the F is he thinking, for God’s sake?

My hand wandered off to youtube.com while working, and I typed “The Myth”…..I listened to the song after it finished downloading…and tears came flowing down. I was feeling extremely nostalgic and emotional. It was, “Our Song”. Our movie. During the best times of our lives. When we were so in love with each other. I still remember so freshly, we watched that movie in 1 Utama at Damansara during one of our mini weekend holidays…

Both him and I cried at the end of the movie…and it touched our hearts so deeply we felt so sad on the ending. I loved him very much in the past, because he is one of the few egoist men who could cry together with me. Who has emotional needs.

I loved him before…it is sad, how it has to end. I am sorry that my daughter will never get to know how good her father was last time, before the ugliness began. My daughter deserves to know that her daddy used to love her mommy a lot.

A lot.

I am crying now. In the office.

Not a good feelings. Envious. She’s getting all the great accounts and yet she’s complaining that she won’t meet her quota in 2008! Bah!

I have a close friend, who’s daughter is about more than a year older than my junior. During my turbulences in Sabah, she has been there (virtually) for me and lent me her shoulder to cry on and guided me through my pregnancy. After I had given birth and came back to Penang, she began to get really kiasu about everything, especially when it comes to her daughter’s development. Honestly, I couldn’t be bothered by what she wants to create for her daughter, but call me sensitive..I have a really strong feelings that she is trying to corner me into thinking that I could never provide as much to my junior, unlike her. She keeps reinstating how much she loves her daughter, how many nurseries she sends her daughter to, what are the new gadgets she bought for her daughter, what plans she has for her daughter. Fine. But when it comes to MY Daughter, I prefer to do it MY way instead of getting carried away by her influences. She asked how come I never did the 4th month prayer thing for my daughter, and said she did for hers and it is very good, supposedly help an infant to grow up faster. Then she compares my daughter with hers, saying at 4th  month, hers could turn her body already..while mine still cannot. Then she said I should let my daughter use the walker now, because last time she did for her daughter.

I listened.

I refused to bruise her ego. I listen, and keep silent.

I don’t even bother to tell her off, because honestly, she is a good friend. Just a little kiasu. Whenever she tries to make comparison, or to pressure me into becoming like her, I always tell her the same thing.

I just wish my daughter to Be Safe, Be Healthy, Be Happy.

To be exact, new men (mostly) I met within 3 months and NO, do not misunderstand that this is a “Little Black Book” of mine where I feel the achievement of knowing more men. To me, men are …. pointless to me now. I mean, are you kidding me? After everything I went through with F, you would think that I trust in men? It’s just amazing how one door being closed, and some new opened. I have to admit, when I was with F, I was totally so committed I didn’t even socialize with anybody new, or even my existing friends. It was like, my social life barely existed. Now that I’m back…I meet a lot, and a lot of interesting people! And I realized, I miss meeting new and exciting people! Be it men or women.

1) “Bunny” – I actually miss him terribly. I got to know him via Friendster one fine day when he sent me a message about some Huskies pictures I have in my Friendster. I was still in Sabah back then. We added each other in MSN, chatted a lot and he knew about my case with F. When I came back to Penang, he was concerned about my well-being…he kept asking me out, calling me, etc…until one fine day – I told him off! In a way that I was beginning to feel awkward and conscious about my well-being. I was actually worried I might fall for him…I told him we should stop keeping in touch. Cruel? Yes. Foolish. He is a sweet man in his thirties. Single! How can such a perfect, high-flyer man, still a Single?

2) Jer – From the US. Cathay Pacific pilot I met at SS. But since I have a sister in the airline industry, I have valid points on my reservations towards Mr. Pilots. No further elaboration 🙂

3) Loni – ex-MAS stewardess. She’s a HOT babe….go to clubs with her and another girlfriend. One thing I love about her is, she never show-off. She’s such a beautiful lady with exceptional high elegance and yet…she’s friendly!

4) Jim D – a Branch Manager for a certain manufacturin company in the mainland, and I still believe he has a certain agenda in getting close to me. For God’s sake, he is married with kids! In his 40s! What else does he want from me other than the big “S”? Men. Ptooooi!

5) J. Fong – this is a classic case of an irresponsible, immature prick. In his 30s, single, a Sales Manager..and his ulterior motive is soooooo obvious to me,yet he must have thought that I am easily fooled. 

6) Asiaworks buddies – Needless to say, I miss those bunch…..Aileen, YT, Henry, Dianne, Eric, Etta, Omar, Mimo, Chris, Eleanor, Edmund, William, Williams, Jasmine, Ching, MK, Wing, Jie, Meor, Teha, Suzaini, Michael….and the rest of those amazing people!

7) HK – Still in the process of knowing him. An engineer by profession, but based in Kulim. Sigh.

There are a lot more, but am rushing for something. Update next time~

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